Psychological defenses are strategies that serve many purposes. One purpose is to preserve a sense of "self" which feels good. No one wants to be wrong, weak, or unjustified. We have different ways to cope with the thoughts that threaten a sense of being "a good person". We need a certain amount of "buffering" from feeling terrible about all the mistakes, regrets, words and actions, we've been involved in along the way of life. The goal is not to feel like a terrible person but rather have effective strategies for disarming your defenses. When we disarm the defenses we can choose to act from a more thoughtful place that is not one fueled by anger, embarrassment, and hurt.
It can be difficult to keep defenses in check. Really difficult. If that irritation goes unchecked it can become destructive. It's kind of like fighting for a reason you're not even quite sure of.
Tips for Disarming Defenses
* What is your default defense?
Do you deny? Justify? Ignore? Blame others? Or rationalize why you have done nothing wrong at all?
* What kind of judgments do you have about making a mistake? In other words, what would be so bad about feeling hurt and attacked even if you see that wasn't happening after all?
* What are some ways you can recognize when you are becoming defensive?
Does your heart rate speed up? Do you walk away, hang up, or yell? Do you withdraw and give the silent treatment?
* How can you help yourself when you go there?
It's okay. We all do it. It feels good to figure out how to recognize your defenses so they don't stomp all over the fragile good things in life.... like relationships. Defenses aren't all bad. They keep us from crumpling over with hurt and guilt. They just need to be tamed so they are not as powerful as an elephant.
It can be difficult to keep defenses in check. Really difficult. If that irritation goes unchecked it can become destructive. It's kind of like fighting for a reason you're not even quite sure of.
Tips for Disarming Defenses
* What is your default defense?
Do you deny? Justify? Ignore? Blame others? Or rationalize why you have done nothing wrong at all?
* What kind of judgments do you have about making a mistake? In other words, what would be so bad about feeling hurt and attacked even if you see that wasn't happening after all?
* What are some ways you can recognize when you are becoming defensive?
Does your heart rate speed up? Do you walk away, hang up, or yell? Do you withdraw and give the silent treatment?
* How can you help yourself when you go there?
It's okay. We all do it. It feels good to figure out how to recognize your defenses so they don't stomp all over the fragile good things in life.... like relationships. Defenses aren't all bad. They keep us from crumpling over with hurt and guilt. They just need to be tamed so they are not as powerful as an elephant.